This fall we went to the NYU Child Study Center for help with dealing with our older son’s aggressive behavior and frequent tantrums. We have two boys, three and five years old, and we were concerned because they were constantly fighting and because our older son was being very aggressive toward his younger brother, his grandmother, our baby sitter and us. Our oldest son currently is in an integrated ASD Nest program for children who are on the autism spectrum and we turned to NYC Child Study Center after discussing the situation with his teachers, and because of good recommendations on parenting list-serves and blogs.

We had previously seen a therapist for a consultation about this and she recommended some techniques that we had tried but we felt that we needed to see someone with more expertise in dealing with these types of behaviors who could provide us with the tools that we needed at home. It looked like NYU Child Study Center was the right place. Here’s an excerpt from their website: ‘…..the center of our program is its amazing clinical sites - including our Faculty Group Practice in Manhattan ….. These sites are laboratories for clinical innovation, meaning that ideas for how to best help children and families start with those children and families themselves. ….Our children call out to us, and we must use every tool at our disposal to answer this call. At the NYU Child Study Center, we are blessed with an incredible set of tools found in the astonishing imagination and world-class expertise of the people who work here. We pledge to use every means available to provide a lasting and meaningful impact on the tragic problem of childhood mental illness.’

Sounds great. By the time we made our appointment we were worried and fairly desperate for help. When we made our appointment, we made it clear that we were looking for suggestions, tools, and strategies that we could begin implementing at home. We were open to follow-up and ongoing visits but seriously needed help quickly. We were led to believe that, after an initial assessment and observation session, we would receive concrete, hands-on guidance on how to best address the behaviors and issues that we were dealing with. Our initial three-hour consultation consisted of a comprehensive list of questions relating to the frequency, circumstances, and our response to, our son’s behavior. This was followed by a brief “observation” of our son. Our therapist did not provide any feedback or guidance at this point, but reassured us that at the follow-up session she would be able to provide us with specific ideas and interventions.

 We were a bit distressed that we would be going home empty handed (any parent who has been in our situation will understand that we wanted at least some guidance at this point), but gamely agreed to come in for a follow-up. These people were after all experts who were dedicated to helping families and children. Right? At the follow-up session we again reiterated our expectation that we would receive specific suggestions about how to begin addressing our son’s behavior at home. We made it clear that we would be willing to come back for future sessions if needed but we wanted to first try the concrete strategies and tools that we had expected our therapist had prepared for us. We were both surprised when the therapist, proceeded to spend about 20 minutes of our one-hour session to read back to us the responses to her questions that we’d answered in our previous session. It was clear that she had listened carefully to our responses and had done an excellent job of documenting the problems that we had described to her. At this point, we again restated our desire to leave with concrete tools that we could begin implementing at home. Our therapist completely disregarded this request and offered us two possible plans.

Wait, hold on, what happened to ‘…Our children call out to us, and we must use every tool at our disposal to answer this call…’. Wouldn’t that indicate that our therapist would listen to our call for concrete techniques to use at home and use every tool at her disposal to answer this call? Apparently not. The first option was weekly sessions of observation with both of us and our son. She seemed unaware/oblivious to several considerations, namely that 1) we lived in Brooklyn and these would be very difficult for us to get to, 2) that these would be disruptive to our already hectic school and work schedules, and 3) that these would not necessarily be covered by insurance. In fact, when we brought up the very practical question of insurance and costs she sort of looked like a deer in the headlights. She apparently had not been taught about the icky business of psychology in all of those years in grad school. The second option was that just my wife and I could come in and meet with her to discuss our issues. When we again asked if she could give us any guidance on how to deal with the issues we had discussed with her previously, she said she couldn’t really offer any advice at this time and that she needed more information about the behaviors that we had described (and she had documented) in great detail, nor could she suggest any reading material which would help us.

 When we pressed for book suggestions, she indicated that she would need to first review the books she was aware of for age appropriate content. When we pressed her for some guidance about what we could do at home, her suggestions consisted of generic parenting advice: · Positive reinforcement · Don’t sweat the small stuff · Time outs if they seem to be helping (we had already mentioned, and she had beautifully documented, that they were not working) In other words, we received absolutely nothing from both the initial consultation nor the follow-up session. We now both question the ethical and professional integrity of the staff at the Child Study Center. Where exactly are the ‘…incredible set of tools…’ and the ‘…the astonishing imagination[s]’. What happened to ‘…We pledge to use every means available to provide a lasting and meaningful impact on the tragic problem of childhood mental illness’. What to all of those lovely ideas? It appears to us that driving goal of the sessions is to sell additional sessions, and at no point did it appear that the therapist was concerned about turning us away empty handed, after taking 4 hours of our time and $400. We’ve asked for a refund and received a mealy letter in response. We still haven’t received the ‘comprehensive report’ that we were promised. Otherwise nothing, no world class expertise, no expert advice, just absolutely nothing.